Unlucky

The road across to Lucknow was the best we had come across in the entire country, a new expressway has been built which was three or four lanes of near perfect motorway with little or no traffic on it. The road was so smooth it sent me to sleep a couple of times in the front seat.

The taxi itself was fine apart from the driver attempting to get a couple of his mates to come with us in the back seat, which after a brief heated discussion we all ‘agreed’ was a silly idea.

When the motorway finished on the outskirts of Lucknow the carnage began, the roads are so tight here and people seem to care even less about any sort of logic on the streets so it took us about 90 mins to go 4 miles with me navigating via a map which wouldn’t update and a driver without a clue where he was heading.

We even had a little bump where someone drove into the back of us while we were lost and attempting to turn around. The cheeky git even asked for us to immediately leave him a good review, which got short shift.

We attempted to get a tuk tuk to Zoe’s choice of tea but they wouldn’t take us due to the crazy traffic so we settled on a wander around the local area.

Not sure why but people really pissed me off in the street, staring at us, driving like idiots and with the heat and the noise it became to much. It felt like India got to me for the first time and I couldn’t be arsed to put up with it. It peaked when two lads pushing a cart seemingly on purpose rammed it into Zoe, before I got in the way and pushed it and then back down the alleyway.

We randomly ended up in somewhere I had heard of which specialised in local kebabs and barbecue meats. We managed to pinch a table in the packed seating area and drew lots of attention as the only non locals. Our food came and was a mixture of tasty randomness; buffalo kebabs, chicken shish kebabs and some chicken wings accompanied with some local breads we had never heard of.

After the grievances of the day we decided to set out a proper plan for our only full day in the area, so when we got back to the room I set about constructing something for everyone for the following day.

First up was to another local speciality for breakfast at Rahim’s nihari gosht. It’s a tiny, pretty dirty looking place with a small menu but each dish there was recommended and amazingly tasty. We (well mostly Sue and me) tired Kulcha Nihari; slow cooked pure buffalo meat in a mildly spicy gravy and then ultra soft kulchas that melt in your mouth and tasted so good we ordered extras. The whole thing was one of the cheapest meals we had eaten in India.

To walk off the breakfast we started to head towards the next place which was the Rumi Darwaza somewhat of majestic marvel right in the middle of the street which separates the Old from the New sides of the town – not that we could tell which was which to be honest.

On the way we spotted some stalls selling another local specialty; makhan malai. It was in large vats by the side of a roundabout and it didn’t take much persuasion with us to buy a small dish of it.

It was light and fluffy, but very creamy in texture and almost lemony as a result. As we stood eating it a man approached the food cart and opened a box, I wasn’t paying any attention but Sue quickly realised inside it was a cobra which slowly sat up (do snakes sit?) and thus when Zoe saw it she screamed which to the amusement of all the locals.

We then attempted to get into the Bar a Imambara, a site close by which is the big attraction in these parts as it has mosque, a labyrinth and some crazy buildings. I say attempted as we didn’t realise that even if you weren’t going in the mosque ladies had to be suitably covered and Sue wasn’t.

So we retraced our steps out and decided to go and find a piece of cloth to wrap around Sue’s legs to ensure she would be allowed in. We thought we could kill two birds with one stone and utilise one of the many pony drawn carts that were everywhere and as it was surprisingly cheap we had a fun 5 minutes being pulled about.

With a new piece of cloth acquired we then headed back to the site to be greeted by smiles from the same security guard who had previously denied us entry.

We headed for the toilet blocks before entering the labyrinth and after paying for the honour entered the pitch black dark tiny toilet cubicles – they must find it so easy using the squat toilets they decide to make it more difficult by making them always pitch black and always absolutely stifling hot.

Sue emerged feeling terrible and close to fainting so we all had a brief sit down and inhaled a litre of water between us.

When we eventually got into the labyrinth it was good fun, loads of narrow dark alleys with steps to dead ends and open drops at every turn.

We took our time and had frequent breaks to allow Sue to recover some more before myself and Zoe left her in a breezy shady spot to go and find the summit of the building which we took to be the end.

Next up was a trip to another renowned spot for some lunch. I was keen to try the basket chaat as I had heard it was unique to the area. It was suitably random and I couldn’t tell you what it contained but it was basically loads of different foods all in a deep fried noodle basket.

Every mouthful was a different taste of sweet, spicy, crunchy, saucy goodness combined with most of it being cold but occasional warm sections.

After stuffing ourselves, the other two went for western delights, we headed back to the hotel for a brief rest before venturing out again. Unfortunately the brief rest turned into quite awhile as I suffered my first serious stomach issues of the country and thus meant a prolonged stay near a semi decent loo. I guess I had one random piece of food to many or just got unlucky with something.

When I felt like the worst was behind me we had a walk around the market nearest to us which was just as busy as the day before. We got pestered by some beggars who wouldn’t leave us alone and Zoe struggled with the utter carnage of the scene.

It was the equivalent of a narrow street on a market day, packed with people – literally pushing past each other to make any headway. Added to this was rubbish strewn everywhere underneath your feet and then various methods of transport attempting to get through. Scooters and rickshaws just ploughed through the tiniest of gaps and then berated you for being in the way.

The whole thing was a chaotic, noisy, hot mess and we only lasted an hour before everyone lost patience and we headed back.

Throughout our entire stay we didn’t see another non Indian and nor did we see any of the hospitality that we had read the area was famous for. Everything felt alittle edgier and we were much more of an attraction with people clearly staring at us more than previously encountered.

I had received some updates from our contact in Hong Kong overnight outlining the current situation in the country and it shed it in a much different light to that which was being covered by the western media.

She told of curfews of 5pm for safety, advising only essential travel, how public transport systems had been attacked and frequently closed down alongside any Chinese business; including the one we had lined up to complete our visas.

Tourist attractions have also frequently been closed for the safety of the workers and the sites famous in the city have had much reduced opening hours.

I saw footage of a train service from Hong Kong to the mainland similar to one we would have needed to use being ambushed and have every window smashed with the occupants screaming inside.

So on review of both flight and hotel bookings and other locations to get a Chinese visa, Hong Kong has turned into Singapore.

We managed to recover some of the costs and with some cheaper transport and visa options I think we stand to lose around £300 from the entire situation. But that seems a small price to pay for us to actually be safe and be able to continue the trip as we wanted i.e actually get into bloody China, which had better be bloody good after all this planning.

This way we fly down to Singapore via a couple of hours in Kuala Lumpur and then fly back up into mainland China via a small stop off. Which on the balance overall is a much much longer distance but not much more in cost or overall duration as we replace a train journey with a flight.

Looking back the gamble of booking flights to a country with political unrest was alittle short sighted and we really should have booked the slightly more expensive and safer route of Singapore anyway.

Bake bean sight is a wonderful thing though isn’t it