It’s been a funny old time recently. More ups and downs than a rollercoaster.
New job, new prospects, new events, sponsorship, new excitement to look forward to next year, Christmas, time off work, presents and an abundance of food and alcohol.
All put into perspective and pails into insignificance when you get a reality shock about someone you love’s health.
Every moment becomes more cherished, thoughts turn to the worse case scenarios and what could possibly happen to us as a family unit.
Keeping thoughts from each other but seeing it written over my wife’s face and knowing I am not doing a good job of hiding the same. Driving to work through teary eyes and hoping that everything becomes ok, reassuring someone with no confidence or ability that everything will be fine, when you both know that the words mean little and are not grounded with firm foundations. Snapping with colleagues at work and having arguments over nothing at all at home, both of which are massively counter-productive and only heighten tensions. God only knows how my wife has coped and kept it, at least outwardly together.
Not many noticed in the twitter world of my withdrawal away from the usual stupidity, banter and harassment for freebies, but I appreciate the messages I got and you know who you are. If / when I ever meet you the first pint is definitely on me. Realising that twitter acted as a support network and dragging myself out of the moody slump I was in I snapped out of it and attempt to get back to the supporting role I was needed for at home.
It also led me to spend 6hrs on a turbo trainer, which was my way of ‘defeating something I didn’t think possible’ which I guess is potentially what we are up against in 2014, it also led me to run a half marathon despite being told to still be resting my knees.
Mind over matter – if I can do those things, my mind thinks anything is possible. If I can show that apparent ‘strength’ then maybe my wife will think the same and if a battle needs fighting then she can overcome it.
We are now within the strange stage of waiting further tests, which will not now be completed till the start of February.
Would I trade the new job, new prospects, new events and sponsorship for clear test results? Within a heartbeat.
If it meant never riding my bike again or swimming open water or having the buzz of waiting on a start line – without a second thought.
Whatever the outcome its certainly made me realise what is important in life and provided some perspective. It’s not about the fancy job, or the big car or the bigger house it’s about the journey of getting there, the holidays, the memories and the adventures along the way, the moments to look back on in 30 years and smile about.
Its massively cheesy to say you don’t know what you have got till it’s gone, but I hope this is just a close call and we all come out of it stronger and healthier as a family unit.