Marvellous Mirissa

The taxi was so easy and peaceful two out of the three of us dozed off – Zoe was too busy laughing at some American rubbish on her iPad to sleep.

The driver wasn’t very talkative and the constant rice field, tea plantations and gently falling rain was pretty relaxing and turned me into a nodding dog on more than one embarrassing occasion.

We found the accommodation without any issue and it’s fine, in fact it’s bloody amazing for £3.50 a per person a night each. Especially as it also includes a three course breakfast of omelette, mountains of toast and then a fruit platter with as much coffee as you want to wash it all down.

Be good though if the shower was much more than just a gentle trickle and it would have been mayhem if the ants, which were constantly threatening, had invaded at any point – like a mini army hell bent on biting us. I have seen Antman – I know how vicious they can be.

The main reason for coming here was the beach and although it is out of season the turtles on it. But the only one on it was one which had been injured and was recovering. The waves didn’t allow any snorkelling to occur and it would definitely be a place I would come back to when they are more prevalent to see them, especially when the newborns hatch.

The beach itself is long, golden sanded and flanked by loads of bar come restaurants which will let you sit on sun loungers for as long as you occasionally buy drinks or food from them. Not a massive hardship when a beer is just over £1 during the 8 hour happy ‘hours’.

It’s renowned for being a place for surfers and body boarding due to the nature of the waves and sand bars. It’s quite a sight to witness the more accomplished actually surfing in, then surfing out again on the outward pull.

We hired some body boards and hammered around on them, with Zoe still being the queen amongst us all. Sue had her first ever proper go and was soon catching the biggest waves going – despite a couple of world class dunkings.

In the middle of the beach is alittle island called parrot rock. Well it is an island when the tide is in and just about walkable when it’s not.

We managed to get across at high tide but it was touch and go with us all being slightly swept away.

Also no parrots on parrot island – loads of crows and crabs, but then I guess crow or crab island isn’t quite as sexy a name is it.

We visited another beach close by, Polhena, which is also pretty famous for turtles. This being us, meant we did it via a hired scooter, which as per usual was great fun. Sue went in a tuk tuk, whilst we followed on the bike, avoiding wandering dogs and people.

The water was pretty choppy throughout the experience and we only saw two turtles from afar. Turns out they are pretty quick when being vaguely chased and I couldn’t get any pictures with the go pro.

I was fairly persistent in my attempt to locate some though whilst the others preferred to mess at the waters edge. As we were the only westerns knocking around they suddenly became quite famous with the locals wanting to play with them both and have pictures taken whilst doing so. It is amazingly easy to talk to the then and they are consistently talkative, genuinely interested in you and happy to tell you a life story or two.

On the way back we stopped at another well known spot, being made famous by social media types.

I didn’t think it was anything special to be honest, but we got a few nice photos and enjoyed watching idiots strike wonderfully stupid poses – which I think are probably all over the internet by now.

I think Zoe has enjoyed being back on a beach – the first proper one (away) since Durban, making friends and generally messing around in the sun and sand is much more fun for a 9 year old compared to 9 hour drives in South Africa with ‘only’ scenery to look at. Plus the beach has a kick ass rope swing on it.

The area has a lot of random places for food and covers all bases in terms of local and western delights. We have had some amazing local roti’s, awesome pineapple salads and Sue had something called a sexy bird – which unfortunately didn’t translate to you are what you eat.

The road down to the roti place was brilliantly shocking and I was pleasantly surprised when Zoe just marched down it, compared to moaning.

The three evenings we had were all spent on the beach; cheap seats, cold drinks and generally really nice food. Each evening was accompanied by card games and making endless friends with puppies / dogs got of all shapes and sizes.

On our last evening we (I) admitted that I would like to try and go see the turtles the following morning – arguing that it might be the only time we ever get to properly snorkel with a wild turtle. So the alarms were set for early doors to ensure that we could be on the beach, via tuk tuk, by 7:30 and ready to go.

Amazingly we were and despite the grey clouds overhead and the brisk breeze the sea was a lot calmer than the previous day and the visibility pretty perfect.

Zoe wasn’t feeling it so stayed on shore to start with whilst Sue and I went adventuring. Sue did really well again and it was a task to keep up with her as she seemed hell bent on locating a turtle.

She managed to spot one but I didn’t to start with despite loads of fish and seemingly a completely dead coral reef they continued to hide from me as we went back in to allow Sue a break and see if Zoe wanted to come help.

I ended up going back on my own for a bit to find one of the buggers, which thankfully I did at about the tenth time of trying.

After chasing one for 5 mins it gradually pulled away from me in its calm majestic beauty. Up close they are even more impressive than I imagined, morphing into the sand and coral with ease and gracefully bobbing up to the surface every once in a while.

We were both surprised at how big they were and how they appeared to not care that you were near them swimming along.

Buoyed by the discoveries we managed to get Zoe to come in and almost immediately we found another one.

I was delighted for myself as it’s something else ticket off a hypothetical list in my head of cool things to do, but also seeing the delight especially in Sue’s face at again overcoming something she isn’t keen on, but reaping the rewards but seeing something which is increasingly rare.

Not bad for a so called non-swimmer; snorkelling with sharks and turtles now – I have suggested we attempt to snorkel with crocodiles next, but that didn’t go down very well.

Next up is Ella (Ella, Ella, eh – thought I would get that in nice and early) and the highlands of Sri Lanka – tea plantations, lots of waterfalls and apparently some stunning hikes.

I could get used to this.

Tuk Tuk Tastic

Killing an hour of time before we were picked up for the airport we let Zoe decide on a choice of game and to our disgust she picked mini monopoly, which I had stupidly bought before we came away.

She then promptly destroyed us, turning into a female child version of Alan Sugar shouting ‘that’s how you do business people’ as I handed over another stack of rental cash, before she completely wiped me out.

Dubai airport was pretty lifeless apart from a strange internal metro system, which you caught after check in to get to the departure gates, much to our confusion.

We felt like we were proper travelling- getting on a plane but for once not going home but going somewhere new, different and exciting. Something which we have frequently spoke about but never really done together apart from connections or internal bumbling about Thailand.

The plane wasn’t anywhere near full and we were the only three non locals on the entire flight, which was a strange, but not unpleasant novelty.

We managed to spread ourselves out across an impressive 9 seats towards the back which was great for extra room but rubbish for sleeping as it was right next to all the noise of the waiters, sorry air stewards, preparing meals and doing whatever they do to make so much noise.

This meant limited sleep was going on, bearing in mind that we took off at 11pm and it was soon no sleep as the turbulence steadily increased to the point where the plane dropped quite considerably very quickly. Promoting Zoe to get scared and meant that she cuddled into for me the rest of the flight.

Immigration seemed to take an age with some especially surly looking security guards in attendance, clearly irked that they were also awake at stupid o’clock in the morning.

Sue did spot one particularly less than diligent worker, slumped back in his chair, mouth open, fast asleep in front of everyone which must be a special talent when under the stale artificial strip lighting of an old airport terminal.

Immediately upon leaving the airport we were struck by just how different it was to the towering masses of UAE and just how Thailand like it seemed.

Low, haphazard buildings, tuk tuks and scooters everywhere, dogs roaming the streets and crazy right of way rules on the small bumpy roads.

Even the rain, which was banging down as we raced along in a tiny tightly packed little knackered old Suzuki taxi driven by a young race car wannabe, was Thailand esq.

We had some wonderful confusion over the room we had booked but Sue managed to smooth everything over and we ended up with the room we thought we were supposed to have, but the hosts didn’t, for the price we had already paid, which the hosts didn’t think was right.

Due to the afore mentioned flight fun we were all fairly knackered so had a nap immediately, only to be disturb by a biblical rain shower which was so loud that I thought to start with it was someone hammering on the door to get in.

As with these types of climates by the time we were ready for a wander most of the downpour had evaporated away and only the most stubborn road submerging puddles remained in place.

Whilst waiting for the rain to abate we firmed up the route plans for the next week or so, slightly tweaking the original idea to account for the current west coast weather forecast – which is holding onto the rainy season for all its worth.

But after a mostly fried rice based lunch, we are now in Asia after all, we had a quick visit to see where the beach was and a unexpected paddle.

Pesky things those waves, but in our defence Zoe had befriended a dog and it decided to dig up and then kill crabs from the sand. Which we gave far to much attention to compared to the impending water levels.

After drying off we caught out first trip tuk tuk to a famous local Buddhism temple. Sue asked the guy if she could take a picture of his tuk tuk and he essentially refused to get out of the way till she took one of him infront of it as well.

We have found in the past the Buddhism temples to be especially pretty and they don’t seemingly hold back here either on the colour, effort and story telling which they put into the displays.

The two main buddhas were enormous but I am still none the wiser as to why the entrance made you walk through a giant lion / bear / creatures mouth.

It did prompt a conversation with Zoe on Buddhism and the joys of after life or reincarnation and we concluded that even if people aren’t religious (like us) it is probably better to hope that you come back as something else each time instead of going to heaven (or the other way) for ever.

I managed to find a lovely local beer with some pretty perfect words on the label. It’s strange how corny they sound when back home, but when away they seem to make sense.

A random day ended by watching the sunset through the fading clouds, eating fresh seafood and drinking cold beer whilst sitting on cheap seats in the sand.

In a nutshell more of what we would usually associate with a holiday.

Also not being 75% sweat when walking around has helped so far in Sri Lanka as well.

Most of the morning of our last day in Negombo was spent doing a tuk tuk tour of all the other major landmarks in the local area. We had already arranged it with the photobombing tuk tuk driver from the day before and with the rain clouds of yesterday giving way to bright sunshine we had a fun time flying around.

We visited another local temple, which was full during a special service (why it was special we couldn’t find out with his broken English and are non existent Sri Lankan). The noise, colours and smells hit every sense like walking into a brick wall.

It was fantastically different to anything else we have ever seen and certainly was a lot more fun than the church we visited later on in the trip.

The biggest attack on the senses was the visit to the local, but massive fish market. With a mixture of catching, gutting, washing, salting, drying and selling going on it was medieval in appearance and smelt like fishy Hell.

All sorts was going on everywhere you looked from the sand dyed red from the blood, to the crows pecking at the drying fish, to butchers chopping up large tunas and getting visible joy at showing you the deepest recesses of the fish innards.

The tour finished by us being dumped at a herbal medicine plantation with the indication that we should buy something before we got to leave.

Within the sales pitch they persuaded us that some of the red oil stuff was great for massages and decided they would prove it by giving us all a little back massage in the hut in the middle of nowhere.

Interesting experience especially as they kept talking about some miracle weight loss plant once they saw me with my top off.

We had found a place for lunch which we had to visit as it was called Jude’s – a tiny restaurant come hotel, which was nice and cheap – just like us.

A relaxed afternoon of school work and packing then occurred before a wander down to the beach again to play with dogs, watch the locals play with hundreds of kites and sampling the first street (beach) food of the trip.

We managed to find a nice place for food with a bit of cover as the rain clouds were threatening where Sue got, let’s say merry on ridiculously cheap local double gins.

Tomorrow we head south on the revised route of skipping a few stops and heading straight to Mirissa.

Having found ourselves a bargain of a place to stay of £3.50 per person a night including breakfast when we arrive we have decided to splash out and avoided a much longer tuk tuk / taxi / bus / taxi combo and instead just sorted a taxi for the entire way for alittle more.

Hopefully the £3.50 a night place isn’t a compete dive….

Lovely Jubbly

We had a relaxed morning in the hotel, visiting the gym which proved, not that it needed proving, that I / we are pretty unfit.

Even after a little 25 minute run I was goosed beyond belief but then again the gym appears to be the only place in the hotel which doesn’t have any air con. Not that that was anywhere near solely responsible for the sweaty mess I was at the end.

We lay by the pool (I would have put chilled out, but it was like 43 degrees and uncomfortably scorching even in the shade) and did the usual pool ball based games.

Something far less fun was another round of schoolwork. It was comprehension time which Zoe hates to do and led to a number of arguments about attitude, listening and her generally not behaving. It’s an issue which we need to resolve quickly before it turns into something much more serious.

We did resolve to seek additional help from them in the know to help us along and improve our methods of dealing with these situations.

One thing we will do when we get to Sri Lanka is attempt to get her into more of a routine – eating at more sensible times, not going to bed at midnight, doing school in the morning where possible, etc.

After that ‘fun’ subsided and propelled by Sue’s desire to shop we headed, via the metro again and a grumpy child walk, to the gold and spice souks in ‘traditional’ old town Dubai – a place which is advertised as essentially what Dubai used to be like before the skyscrapers.

The grumpy child walk was born out of Zoe’s constant requests to get a taxi instead of walking everywhere. Sue and myself had decided previously to get one but didn’t tell Zoe straight away and she effectively had a strop about insisting we get one to the point that I cut my nose off to spite my gorgeous face and told her we wouldn’t be getting one under any circumstances.

So we had a 15 minute walk towards the creek, through narrow streets and what appeared to be a heavily Indian area judging by the aromatic smells wafting around and the rubbish in the streets. By the time we got to the waters edge everyone had kissed and made up, we got an ice cold drink each and I got a wad of napkins to mop my now dripping brow.

The souks are based the other side of Dubai creek and for an extra cheap thrill (22p) you can get a water taxi across, which takes 5 mins and allows some cool scenery. The first one allowed us views as the sunset and coming back later all the neon glitz was in full affect.

They also allowed a breeze to be generated which was frigging awesome at the time.

The spice souk was good, usual level of banter and lovely jubbly / Gareth bale type nonsense as the opening patter from the salesmen when they realise you are English or Welsh as Zoe loves to try and confuse people by responding with.

The gold souk was, well, a bit pants. Although seeing the worlds biggest ring was funny, even if wonderfully pointless unless a giant is knocking around and needs an engagement ring. Also I am not sure that’s a legitimate world record, as that’s definitely not the official Guinness logo now is it.

It was essentially just a wide street of shops selling gold items. Not that surprising I guess but I had visions of narrow lanes with stalls everywhere offering gold bars and ancient rings at bargain prices through the smoky Arabic haze.

The amazing sounding utensil souk (spoons and that) and mattress souk (didn’t see a single mattress) didn’t alter my feelings that any of it was anywhere near as good as the ones we have seen in marrekash or Istanbul previously.

It was also still ridiculously hot, so much so that at one point I moved and a trundle of sweat, which must have gathered in my neck chub or in my hair decided it was time to head south with such force that it went straight down my spine, straight through my butt crack and finished up in a place that nothing should ever enter.

It was equally refreshing as it was disgusting.

After that fun we ended up back in Dubai mall for some tea and to check out the fountain display which we managed to miss the day before.

The display is pretty impressive however over surprisingly quickly. Which Sue has said to me from time to time in our wonderful marriage.

The light and water spectacle lasted 3 minutes to the tune of ain’t no mountain high enough – which made us laugh as that was what Sue sang to Zoe when we were dragging her up Table Mountain a few weeks back.

Might have to try and recreate it with a hosepipe and a torch at some point.

We had a nice wander about the mall but unfortunately I didn’t find the blonde bimbo shop; the must be one around for sure judging by the number of them tottering around in ill fitting outfits and high heels.

Our last night in UAE ended with Zoe falling asleep on Sue whilst on the metro home and Sue still sleeping on the hotel floor.

Rock n roll or what. This travelling lark is proper glamorous.

The last day, fuelled by a lovely relaxed midday check out meant that we ate, swam without rushing before again heading to the mall to while away a few hours.

We watched the fish bimble about in a huge aquarium, watched the rich wander about the commoners like us, took pictures with random things (real dinosaur skeletons, giant ape statues and works of art) and then messed about with radio controlled things way longer than we should have.

I also lost the will as wandering without a purpose I always struggle with, especially when shops are involved.

I think in conclusion that if you look beyond the floggings, stonings and other human right violations, the searing summertime heat and the cost of alot of things it’s really a pretty nice place to visit. Especially if you like pointlessly big things or worldly unique items or I guess vulgar displays of opulent wealth.

I think we will be back in the future but at the time of year which is more comfortable to enjoy the stunning beaches and possible water sport activities.

Next up somewhere I am really looking forward to visit; Sri Lanka.

Ps no gold has been reported on any southern movements as of yet.

Highs and Lows

The bus journey to Dubai was fine apart from me getting attacked by a lift door upon attempting to get out of the hotel.

As you would probably expect the bus was air conditioned, clean and throughly efficient. Every passenger was pretty quiet throughout, apart from me asking Zoe timetables at the start, mainly because of the constant flashing advertisements warning of fines for making noise, drinking, eating and potentially breathing. It was hammered home by the tag line “follow the rules, avoid the fines” which is both catchy and welcoming all in one sentence.

After leaving the city the view quickly turned to vast quantities of sand and general nothingness on both sides of a 8 lane motorway. Only occasionally broken by a huge architecturally unique structure for no apparent reason.

We had a brief taste of the metro system and again it was clean, quiet and efficient like the general public is scared of making a noise or something.

After the smelly and dated hotel in Abu Dhabi I had low expectations of the hostel we had booked for Dubai but even I was shocked at what we found. Mainly because it turns out the bloody thing closed down 2 months before our arrival.

We had a brief panic, then a scout around for another place to stay and found one which wasn’t far away and managed to get a room. On the plus side it has a pool so we spent a couple of hours sunbathing and swimming in the afternoon but on the downside it’s more expensive and also it only has one bed in it for us all to sleep in.

So started a game of who is the stupidest of us all and who wanted to sleep on the floor. Sue was determined to be the most righteous in the group so put her foot down and said she would – I assume she thought that it will be more uncomfortable in bed with the child.

After another round of schoolwork then took place (topic for those of you keeping track) we headed back to the metro and to the Dubai mall and up the Burj Khalifa, currently the tallest building in the world. One is under construction in Saudi Arabia which is going to be 274 metres higher when finished next year, maybe they are attempting to make up for something.

We had booked tickets to go up to the 124 and 125 floors – pricey enough that we drew the line at that and opted against going up another 30 floors for quadruple the already inflated price.

As you expect from the tallest building in the world, it has some pretty good views of the city from every angle and even through an approaching sandstorm we were suitably impressed.

Also as you can imagine it was massively busy, over busy on occasion with people squashing into every available open glass pane to take a picture or 50.

We did manage to be the first ones out on the observation deck after it reopened, following a brief and unexpected light rain dusting, so Sue went full on instagram pose tastic which amused me no end.

(The 3 T’s; Tower, teeth and tits)

Zoe lost the love quite early on and even a chocolate chip cookie didn’t bring her round so she ended up playing on a phone whilst we watched the sun slowly melt into the horizon.

Upon returning to sea level we had a wander around the mall and outside at the fountains – which we didn’t realise were every 30 mins so left without actually seeing them tonight.

We then attempted to find the 2nd December street, which is a famous place for street food and art and I regret to inform you we couldn’t find it.

Melting in the evening heat we just couldn’t find it, even asking locals didn’t help and we admitted defeat and ended up going to a random backstreet place out of desperation.

(Upon returning to WiFi at the hotel it appears that we were annoyingly just across the street from where it started, we went left instead of right)

I ordered the camel roast – which I thought sounded fun, only to be told that it was off the menu (maybe the camels don’t go in for that type of thing) but they had found some game deer so I had that instead.

I should have asked if it was spicy as when it came it was the hottest deer since bambi.

Happily to add to the experience the waiter took the piss out of me for not being able to eat his fabulous cuisine and seemed to take delight in telling me that it wasn’t even alittle bit spicy for him.

So after all sweating like a workout to find a street we couldn’t find, I sweated through half a meal as I couldn’t manage anymore to finally all trudge back to the same metro stop then sweat like buggery on the walk back to the hotel. It’s a fair suggestion to say that we are not designed for this level of heat.

That said all in all an interesting day!

Ps – this is the floor bed we constructed for Sue from pillows, a bed throw and some sheets.

Pps – turns out it was cold but not to uncomfortable

All that glitters is actually gold

Two midnight finishes meant that Zoe didn’t wake up till after 10 which put a stop to the potential beach visit we had planned.

It probably worked out for the best though as the temperature seemed even higher today when we ventured outside to get a quick taxi to the marina mall instead. It’s a fairly standard mall, complete with an M&S (which Sue seemed to have an inbuilt tracker for as headed straight for it) and air conditioned throughout – which was the primary reason we selected it.

We clearly didn’t think that far outside of the box as the few people wandering round were almost all westerners escaping the intense heat.

We allowed Zoe a choice of the two main activities and she chose a bounce around trampoline type place over bowling. It looked like fun and she came back suitably knackered after an hour or so of bouncing around like a loon.

It was a short taxi ride across the bay to the Emirates palace hotel – the 3rd most expensive hotel in the world, costing 3 billion US dollars when built, which is when you think about it alittle indulgent isn’t it.

Out of curiosity I checked and rooms start at £300 a night for the cheapest and smallest double and top out at a cool £25k.

A night.

£25k a night.

That’s 25,000 English pounds a night.

Which I don’t think I would pay even if I could afford it.

It certainly highlighted the difference to that of the apparent 3 star hotel we are staying in which cost a bargain by comparison £120 for the 3 nights it has the luxury of having us.

I mean ours comes complete with character defining mouldy bathroom and a faint stale smoke smell. Bet you don’t get that level of luxury in a fancy posh hotel.

Walking up the entrance stairs and it was clear we didn’t fit in, enormous gold covered pillars adjoined massive gold mosaic tiles and a live duo played classical ‘hits’ on a gold harp and a chello.

Wealthy looking tourists mixed with the rich business men casually doing some no doubt oil related business while a few no marks like us attempted to act cool and take loads of sly photos in areas you weren’t supposed to.

We had come to sample the delights of the 23 karat gold coffee and cakes and again it was something we had prebooked months before to ensure we got a slot in the frequently sold out eatery.

The food looked amazing and we essentially had a cake and a drink each which took us just over the minimum spend threshold which they enforce.

The cakes were overly chocolatly little drops of heaven and to be honest the coffee tasted pretty average but the glamour and ‘thrill’ of having gold on and in your food is an experience I am glad we did. Plus I got a date and I bloody love dates.

We all wondered if we will see the gold flakes we have put inside our bodies again and promised to look after the next few calls of nature to see if any of it is glittery- if you know what I mean. I will keep you posted.

The 3 drinks and 3 cakes cost an eye watering £73 but we reconciled that with the fact that it is truly, so they claim at the moment at least, a unique thing to do in the world. And everyone knows I am a sucker for those types of things.

Plus we didn’t have any of the Beluga Iranian caviar on the menu which although tempting worked out at a hefty £532 a mouthful.

We had a look for the gold atm I had heard about – an atm which is not only made of gold but also spat out gold bars, gold watches and other gold things I assume, but alas it was removed a couple of years ago according to a big burly security guard. Maybe they melted it down to stick in the cakes.

The day was rounded off by watching the sunset from the Etihad towers, the largest building in Abu Dhabi, just a workout level of sweat inducing short walk across the road from the palace hotel.

Have I mentioned its hot?

We went up the 74 floors and observed the world 300 metres below us for 2hrs whilst sipping mock cocktails and a beer (which I couldn’t resist as it was the first and probably last time I will see one in the UAE).

The views were stunning as the sun gently set in the distance over the presidential palace and the sky scrapers surrounding us, but they could do with some window cleaners as the outside of the building was covered in sand and made getting a decent picture pretty problematic.

Two idiots (not Sue) pretended to be moody bond villains in some swivelling chairs looking out over the streets below and talking about what disasters we would bestow on all the innocent people – I went for a good old giant wave hurtling in from the sea and smashing into the sky scrapers which protrude from the sandy streets below.

We had a relaxed rest of the evening back in the hotel to pack up our stuff, whilst Zoe did some school work, before the early start as we head across to Dubai via bus for a couple of days before the Sri Lankan based fun begins.

Up, Up and Abu Dhabi

Leaving this time felt very strange compared to the Africa leg of the trip. Zoe surprised us with her maturity upon saying goodbye this time and remained much more relaxed about the entire process. It was much more like see you in a few weeks, compared to see you in 9 months and the issues I thought we would have fortunately didn’t massively materialise.

We had a good send off and even had a proper Manchester goodbye – heavy rain and some traffic jams to the airport. Unfortunately we didn’t even get the pre flight traditional pint we were that slender on time once we got through the queues for everything. Least we didn’t have an argument this time about birth certificates (I packed it this time and as expected no one asked for it anyway)

Things got worse before they got better as we had enforced mind pollution by Etihad in the boarding process of a musical style similar to that of Ron Burgundy flute jazz onto everyone. How the hell is that so popular in the world that a; it even exists and b; a major airline decided to use it for 45+ minutes. It was even more disconcerting that both Zoe and Sue separately started dancing to it in a similar way.

The flight was fine, no issues and Zoe even ate most of her airplane grub which was a pleasant change.

Upon arrival the heat and humanity hit us square in the face. I have experienced some changes in temperature before – most notably the first time in Thailand, but this was another level. The only thing I can equate it to is that of turning a fan oven on full whack, leaving it for an hour and then standing right in front of it when you open it.

By the time we got to the hotel and checked in, had a leak repaired in the room and then nipped across the road to a Chinese restaurant it was almost midnight and so we didn’t get to explore much.

Even walking that small distance late at night left us all in various degrees of being sweaty mess’s.

The first proper day saw us head to the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque, which is a staggeringly beautiful building, in the morning.

I had no idea that it was so modern, with it only being completed in 2007 and is the largest mosque in the United Arab Emirates – which I guess is because it’s bloody huge.

He stole the idea after visiting the Taj Mahal and the design is definitely very similar in places to what I imagine it will look like in a few weeks.

Rather excitingly, I guess particularly if you like carpets, it also has the largest handmade carpet in the world. And potentially one of the most hideous as well.

The largest chandelier in the mosque weighs 12 tons and is the third largest chandelier in the world.

Like I said, it’s a big place.

It’s also so bright and reflective in the summer sun that it’s oppressively blinding white light reflections make it hard to look at anything without sun glasses. The equivalent of having a desk lamp thrust into your chops at close quarters in a spy movie I would imagine.

We had booked a free tour which was very informative and allowed us into the main hall, where up to 7 thousand men can pray at a time. The decorations were from all over the world and designed by so many different nationalities that it’s to tiresome to list.

Bit of a shame that he didn’t get to see it finished as he passed away in 2004, but he is now buried within the grounds and they pipe live readings of the holy book 24/7 to him, to ensure he rests in eternal peace. Which is nice.

The afternoon saw us back in the hotel for a few hours to do some school work and get out of the now biblically hot heat (it was touching 43 degrees) before we headed out on a desert safari.

We booked this before we came out as it looked like it did a suitable amount of stupid activities within the one package.

First up was a visit to a camel farm to have a butchers at camels of various sizes and colours. We didn’t stay long but managed to feed some and Zoe got pushed forwards to get extra close to them.

She described them as harder than a horse and quite like a rock, which I am not sure is a compliment or not to the camel.

After which we headed out into the desert properly for what is lovingly known as dune bashing. Basically hammering round the dunes in the 4×4, doing everything but, hopefully not, tip it over.

It was like we were in a rollercoaster but had no idea where the path was. The driver seemed to know exactly where he was going and managed to manipulate the vehicle over the steepest slopes and tightest turns, covering the car in sand and throwing us around inside.

All to the background of dance remixes of early noughties pop music (think shaggy or pitbull) or what the dash claimed was traditional Arabic hard dance music, which I can assure you was bloody terrible.

Everyone massively enjoyed the ride and the laughter and gasps that came from all us seemed to propel him to take more and more risks, frequently smashing the underneath of the chassis on the top of a dune, before gravity took over and we hammered down the other side.

I was holding on so tight, by the time it had finished my hand was pouring with sweat and I kept dropping my phone whilst attempting to take videos from the front seat.

I was happy when we reached the sandboarding stop as to be honest I was going green around the edges and thought I might be close to loosing my lunch into the sand.

It was, shock, baking hot as soon as we stepped out onto the dune in the middle of know where to mess around taking photos and then mess around on the slopes.

Zoe got so hot that she retreated back to the air conditioning in the car whilst Sue and me had a bash at the sandboarding. We only actually had one go down the slope each as Sue also started to struggle with dizziness in the heat, to the point that she came pretty close to fainting whilst walking back up the dune.

Back in the truck everyone recovered on the next leg of the drive, one of the other 3 people in the car (all english) was a 7 year old girl and she started to feel unwell and made use of one of Zoe’s sickness bags. Amazingly Zoe didn’t, despite the heat.

We arrived at the Bedouin camp and had a go on some camels with a short ride into the dunes. Zoe didn’t fancy it and so became chief photographer for us.

We were lucky that the other folks with us had prebooked and paid for 3 quad bikes but didn’t think Faith (the youngster) could drive one and so offered us the opportunity to have it for free. Needless to say Zoe started feeling much better and practically ran across the dune to get to the quad bike. That was only topped by the guide saying that she could drive and sit in front – which was the opposite of what happened in Egypt either this year.

The bikes were good fun, let’s be honest they always are, I took the role of photographer which was useful as Zoe wasn’t for sharing when it came to driving the quad. I had to intervene a couple of times when she was drifting off course, but overall she again did well.

We were back just in time to watch the sunset and for Sue to have some cheesy photos with it before it fully disappeared.

We indulged in all the offerings at the camp, from dressing up in traditional attire (very cool in every sense) to henna tattoos (Zoe has four in total on her arms and legs and Sue had one on her inner arm) and finally with two of us smoking a shisha pipe under the stars and no one of the two wasn’t Zoe this time.

They had cooked a traditional bbq which was tasty and also put on a bit of show with some belly dancing and crazy spinning man – both of which Sue got involved with without much persuasion.

The first 24 hours has certainly got this part of the trip off to a bit of a flyer and the trip ended whilst we lay on the sand star gazing after all the camp lights were turned off.

Think two out of the three of us would have happily not moved all night.

Home sweet home?

So being back in the UK for a little while was an interesting experience for all concerned.

Time spent seeing people, spent on various trips and mini breaks alongside helping folks move meant the time wasn’t wasted but in my opinion could have been much better spent in some wonderful far flung Asian country given the circumstances.

That’s no disrespect to the friends and family we spent time with, but with a fixed deadline of returning to the UK next year, the month spent without much purpose dragged somewhat especially in the usual British summer weather. It has re-emphasised that whilst at home I need the basics of a structure, I don’t think I could be unemployed for along period of time without going out of my mind or ending up even more the size of a house.

(Cornwall bike ride day, pedalling my sister with her dodgy ankle situation on a wonderfully strange contraption)

Combine the hazy blur of memories of the time we were away which are like a distant dream already with the planning required for the next leg and to me it seemed like we weren’t maximising the overall time, a fear we had at the start but something we resolved to live with.(most of the Cornwall crew in St Ives)

It was nice to see people again and it was funny to surprise Lynne on her birthday but easing back into life at home took awhile.

In the time away we had completely forgotten which tap is hot and which was cold, we couldn’t remember how our kettle worked and even which key was for which door.

God knows what we will be like after 9 months away – we probably won’t remember where we live.

I think if we are honest it took a lot of readjusting and was problematic with it not just being the three of us, but constantly within large groups and attempting to accommodate everyone.

(Zoe, pushing her limits again and jumping off cliffs in Newquay)

Trying to please everyone of all ages when not just our little well oiled family caused friction, as you would expect, as did people’s different parenting techniques and children’s behaviour boundaries.

In Cornwall it was a group of 9, in Llangrannog it was 8 and even at home it was a house of 7 (8 including the dog) due to the Mannings moving in To house sit for us.

(Important life lessons continue for Zoe with alcohol pong technique whilst away)

That meant that we were living out of and constantly surrounded by boxes and left us feeling that even at home we weren’t really in our home, which is an interesting experience. As is waking up in a room painted pink and purple, with glittery butterflies adorning the walls and surrounded by high cardboard boxes on two sides.

(The rogues gallery from Llangrannog)

The crossover of us all living together was only a week and I think that was long enough for all concerned, which isn’t meant with any detriment to any parties, as they are like family to us now – meaning we bickered a fair amount and plenty of biting of tongues.

(Dropping off a distant relatives police medals and documents to the South Wales police headquarters and getting locked in a cell)

At times I retreated, like a solider giving up from the front line, to the castle like structure of packing boxes to have golden moments of quietness to myself, in which used to be Zoe’s room.

I have also discovered the joy of having a quiet pint by myself in a pub. Something which I would never have bothered with before this return to the UK.

Maybe I have always under estimated other people’s situation when I have looked down on them in regards to a solo pint or two. I don’t think it will continue upon our proper return to home, but it was pretty nice – especially in Llangrannog to have an hour to my thoughts – god I am old. I think slicing my foot open and meaning I had that time to myself was a bit of a saver for me coming when it did.

(Tenby giving me goosebumps still on a day trip)

The future planning of UAE, Sri Lanka and India have been fun breaks from this and we are attempting to tread a fine balance between nailing things down whilst still maintaining freedom to relax and stay longer in places which we fall in love with. At the moment Sri Lanka is like an open book of opportunities and that is something which gives me excited butterflies, let alone the craziness which India will no doubt bring.

The UAE is, but to a much lesser extent, due to the price of activities and the fact that we have ‘just’ 6 days we have booked a few tours and trips to maximise the stay, whilst not completely blowing our collective load. I even managed to find a hostel, which appears to have a working pool and within the normal perimeters of expenditure.

That said looking lovingly at tree houses in the mountains of Sri Lanka or where the best place is to get a gold coffee in Abu Dhabi, whilst watching homes under the hammer with a house of frequently bickering adults and kids was a contrast which I don’t wish to repeat.

Fair to say we (all I think) are itching to get going again and with UAE first up I am looking forward to the complete contrast from the UK – although not, in all honesty, the 40+ degree heat.

I will admit that it does feel a little more real this time – with the knowledge that unless something goes dramatically wrong we won’t be seeing people again till the arse end of April at the earliest.

That said I can’t wait to get on the plane again. Hopefully this time we will manage to get out of the airport without having an argument.

(Come on you know we are coming back with at least one new tattoo each)